Tag: Poetry

Something In Me Broke Today

On By charminfothIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Video was shot and edited by Jarius Bush – Instagram  ⁨@JBush865⁩  Captions are auto-generated.

This video is of me reading Something In Me Broke today. It is a poem I wrote about 6 months after my husband died. It was one of the lowest points in my grief journey. I have since met many women who have struggled at that 6-month point. The place where the world seems to have moved on, but you are stuck. Why does the world get to move forward when your world was shattered? The pain is visceral. You feel it in every joint and muscle. It is unimaginable, but the only way out is through. Writing helped pull me out of those depths. It is my hope that by sharing, you will know you are not alone, and you can survive this. I read this poem in honor of World Suicide Prevention Day, because I survived. You can too. If you or someone you know is struggling and thinking of suicide, please call 988.

Here is the poem in written form:

Something In Me Broke Today
Today, something in me broke
I can’t pinpoint the moment
But it was soon after I awoke
The light was streaming in
But my heart was so alone
The light got brighter
But my heart did not get lighter
This struggle from the world I hide
Quietly trudging through life
Trying to survive
But I’m tired and tried
I move from one moment to the next
Feeling like I’m living in a lie
Somewhere out of time
Like walking through a river of molasses
I wish I could shake off whatever this darkness is
The dark calls my name
And I feel so much pain
I don’t have the strength to explain
All I want to do is curl into a ball and cry
But no one is here to comfort me, or even ask why
So I’ll paint on my smile, that doesn’t quite reach my eyes
And press on while I struggle and just wish I…
Had a shoulder where I could cry
Wasn’t alone in my life
Had the energy to continue to try
I want to die
I fight as my eyes begin to mist
Another cruel plot twist
No one should see me cry
Too much pain
Too much frustration
In my pit of loneliness, I lie
This is not my destination
I have known the pain of having no one
I know I am perilously broken
With sharp edges
The pain in my soul is deeply wedged in
No one wants to hear the dredges
Of my past again
I’m beat down
I can’t stand the sounds
That comes around
Reminding me
I am not the tree
Surviving season after season
I am the leaf, I reason
Soon to fall
As with age, life slowly drains
The falling and the pain
Dead Leaves crushed under heavy boots
Becoming fertilizer for old roots
But the seasons always change
And sunlight creates a new refrain
New growth comes from pain
But something in me broke today
Maybe to make room for a new way
to fight this darkness away
God, please just get through this day

AI Music and Me

On By charminfothIn encouragement, Humor, Poetry, Social Media, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Hey there, it’s been more than a minute since I’ve posted, and I apologize for not being present. Sometimes life happens, and things get away from you. Sometimes you learn lessons and move on. I wanted to share something fun with you.

A while back, a long-time friend asked me to share a couple of my poems with her. She was playing with AI and wanted to see what she could do with it. I was amazed at the results. I gave her a copy of the first poem I read on stage, Just Like the Tissue. Check out the video below and let me know what you think.

I thought it was funky and cool.

Here’s the link to the original reading.

I’m learning, if there is something you want to try, be it poetry, learning a new skill, climbing mountains, or playing with AI, just do it. Life is too short for regrets. Enjoy the time you have.

Be blessed.

Afraid of the Heart

On By charminfothIn Faith, PoetryLeave a comment
Heart in the sand on the beach
Photo by Ave Calvar Martinez on Pexels.com
Where are you
coming from
Where are you 
going

Lost in the shuffle
Feeling alone 
In the bustle
Listening, waiting
For the tussle

You don’t know
When the trouble
Will come
When it does 
It will be double

That’s always been
Your pattern
Your past
So you guard 
Your heart 
Thinking love
Will never last

You sit quietly alone
Content to chew on memories
Like a dog with a bone

Afraid to let go
And fall
For fear of hitting the wall
Fearing the chance
Not willing to dance

Empty is what you know
Your heart could be full
If you only let go

But you are afraid of the heart
Never wanting to be torn apart
Again
But if not now,
When

So you exist in the blues
Not sad, but true
Waiting for something sweet
just beyond your reach

You're thinking
Is it worth the fire
To forge the steel
Why try for something real

I understand how you feel
Me too, I am just like you
Can I open my heart 
and begin to feel

The heart is strong
Beating on as if nothing is wrong
Fear is the beast
That makes us weak
Waiting to tear us apart
It was never the heart

How do I lose the fear
Of the heart
I trust it to someone
Who created it to be strong
He's been with me all along

My prayer for you,
Is that you know Him too.

A Goat in a Coat

On By charminfothIn encouragement, Farm Life, Love, Personality3 Comments

a goat in a coat

A true tale of life on the Farm

By Charmin Foth

On a blustery winter morn
a wee baby goat was born

The new mama stepped away
leaving baby in the hay
but so cold was the storm
it wouldn’t keep wee baby goat warm

In the early morning light
Farmer Foth saw the wee goat’s plight
He rushed to her side
and prayed he could turn the tide
to warm the wee goat’s little hide.

Afraid and so cold
she didn’t need to be told
the farmer was there to soothe
even though she could barely move

Carefully now

Farmer Foth bowed
and placed the wee goat
into his warm red coat

All through the day
as the farmer made hay
the wee little goat
stayed in the warm red coat.

Next to Farmer Foth’s chest
did wee goat rest
starting to warm
but still not to the norm
Farmer Foth kept the wee goat close
she needed to get as warm as toast

So on errands Farmer Foth ran
to places where even goats were banned
To the butcher, the baker
and the candlestick maker

Lastly to the pharmacy he went
keeping the wee goat in his arm bent
hidden in warm red coat
no one knew about the goat

As workers looked on
they thought something was wrong
it caused some alarm,
was Farmer Foth there to do harm?

The farmer only grinned
knowing he had not sinned
he said, “do not fear
I only have a wee baby goat in here”

The workers couldn’t see
the wee goat’s glee
at being so warm
away from the farm

But as Farmer Foth unzipped
and the wee goat tipped
her little head
out of her warm makeshift warm bed

“Neeehhhhh,” she said,
“put me back to bed!”
And the workers all sighed
as Farmer Foth tried
to explain how a wee baby goat
ended up in his coat.

Among the ooohs
and the ahhhs
the wee baby goat
snuggled back in the warm red coat.

The moral of the story:
Be careful where you tote a goat.

tote a goat
This is the true story of my husband Andy and a goat he saved by keeping it warm all day in his coat. Excuse my attempt at poetry, but this story just begged to be written in a “Seussical” fashion.
Photos rendered in Photoshop by Charmin Foth
Reposted from 2013.