Category: Dating

Players and Prayers

On By charminfothIn Dating, encouragement, Faith, LoveLeave a comment
Couple dancing in the park

I am blessed to work for an organization that values quiet times of reflection. Twice a year, our whole staff comes together for a day of quiet reflection and prayer. We gather beside the lake and everyone finds their own quiet place to spend time with God. We have a whole day to meditate on whatever is on our hearts and minds. Last week, we had one of those sweet days of reflection. What did I reflect on? My calling, my purpose, single life, and dating.

I try to be honest with myself and with my readers. So this post is me processing and sharing my own vulnerability.

Not long ago, I was played by a man who said all the right things. I have had a few similar encounters over the years like this. At this stage in the game, I thought I was old enough to know better. This guy was SMOOTH. He acted as if he genuinely cared about me. We seemed to be on the same page about so many things. We both loved music, enjoyed dancing, and appreciated good food. Conversation flowed easily. Things seemed to click. About 3 weeks in, I invite him to the house to grill steaks after work. We got the steaks on the grill. We were sitting on my back patio just talking about the day. The sun was shining, the steaks were beginning to sizzle on the grill.

A knock on the front door changed EVERYTHING in an instant. His girlfriend was at my door and asked if he was there. I did not see that one coming. I was shell-shocked by that bomb. It was obvious he was, his car is in my driveway. I opened the door wide and let him step outside.

Needless to say, that relationship ended REAL QUICK. I spent the rest of the week digging into what had just happened. I found out SO MANY THINGS. He did this A LOT. He kept SEVERAL women on a string. He lied about so many things. He was the textbook definition of a player.

The enemy came at me hard with so many things. I felt like an absolute fool for being so taken in by this person. My trust in men was shaken. I began to doubt everything. I am my own worst enemy, and the voices in my head went to work. I told myself that at 60, I should have known better! I am too old to be playing these games with these jokers. Should I even care about dating at my age? Who would want me anyway? Why do I put myself through this? Who am I to think I have anything to offer a person? So many negative things beat me down. My self-esteem left the building. Dating is hard enough without having some player messing with your heart and mind.

I had to tell the enemy to get out of my head. I had to pray. I had to forgive myself. I had to evaluate. I had to take a hard look at what I was doing and ask myself some hard questions. I also had to apologize to some people who tried to warn me.

Since this sad little dating lesson, I’ve been working on redirecting my focus to what God has for me. You see, I realized several things. I had been focusing too much on what I wanted. I had taken my eyes off of what God wanted for me. I forgot that I was a daughter of the most high King and that I am treasured. My value is not based on appearance, status, what I do, what I have, who I’m with…It is based on who I am in God and what God believes of me. That was a powerful revelation.

Psalm 139 says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God created my heart, my mind, and my soul for Him. Proverbs 31 says I am clothed in strength and dignity and will laugh at the days to come. 1 Peter 3 says my beauty comes from within…the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. Isiah 43 says I am precious and honored in His sight because He loves me.

If God can believe all these things about me, who am I to discount that truth? His truth overrides my truth every time. I am crying as I write this because I believed none of this about myself. NONE OF IT. I was so out of line with what God believes of me. I needed a wake-up call. And I got it, a rude awakening that shook me to my core.

I have walked through some fires of life and survived some very brutal things. But dating in this day and age is the devil’s playground, y’all.

In the past, I’ve struggled with praying for myself. I had to get over that. I’m telling you friends, if you are going to date in this day and age, you’d better pray yourself up. Ask Him to prepare your heart for what’s to come, to give you strength, perseverance, guidance. Then pay attention and don’t get lost in pretty words and promises. Ask for discernment and then use it. Ask for alignment and see what measures up.

Does the person measure up to 1 Corinthians 13? Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

At first, I felt silly asking God for what I wanted in a man. It felt like I was ordering one from Amazon. I realized rather than praying for a man, I needed to pray about MY spirit. Pray and search out who I want to be for someone. I know in my being that I am here to be a helpmate to someone. I am here to make someone’s life better, to enhance our golden years. To be someone’s best friend. I have so much love to give and the experience to know what really matters in life. When you have been through the worst of it, you know how to celebrate the best of it, every day. God created me for such a purpose as this. I’m as sure of that as I am my name.

So my prayer is to keep my heart open to God’s leading and His guidance. I pray for me not to grow angry or bitter. I pray for me to truly let my light shine from within. I pray someone will see me as God sees me. But if they don’t, I’m ok with that too. I am still created by a loving God who values the beauty of the heart.

I realized dating makes me anxious. I don’t need to be anxious about anything. God has got me. He always has. I also realized I am blessed. I am happy. I have a fulfilling job that gives me purpose. I have a multitude of friends who truly care about me. I’ve experienced great loss, but I’ve also experienced great joy. I’ve navigated some very dark waters and lived to tell the tale. And I have some tales.

God gave me peace, peace with being alone, and peace with being myself, beauty from ashes. I don’t need to be anxious. He has something better in store for me, so I’ll go with what’s in His will and not my own.

One of my favorite verses is Philippians 4:6-7. “‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Lastly, I pray, believing God will give me what I need. I’ve learned so much through this experience. I pray this experience helps you, too. I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Modern Dating Lessons: Assurance Testing in Relationships

On By charminfothIn Dating, encouragement, life coaching, Love, Personality, Uncategorized1 Comment

I’ve been single for 5 years now. I didn’t even start to date until 2 years after Andy’s unexpected death. Over the last three years, I have conducted an anthropological study of dating in the modern world, of sorts. I don’t recommend it. It has taught me so much. I’ve learned who I am being single, living for myself, I know what I want. Most importantly I know what I need from a person for them to be MY PERSON.

The truth is, I’m happy being me and being single. I like me. It hasn’t always been that way. My story is not an easy one to tell, and maybe someday, I’ll share. Those are definitely tales for another day. I’m a work in progress; there is always room for growth.

Would I like to be in a relationship? Absolutely! Am I willing to let it destroy my peace? NO!

I’ve come to value peace, time, and treasure the important things. Life can change in an instant. Many of the lessons I use as a litmus test in dating come from my best friend of 26 years. Having been married to my best friend is both a blessing and a curse now that I’m single. I know the things I could have done better. I know what a good relationship acts like, what it feels like. That makes my tolerance for BS much lower. It also makes me see how most relationships today are not friendly ones. That’s sad, because that’s what makes it truly worth it. I’m grateful for what I’ve had.

One of the best lessons I learned in life actually came from Andy’s career. You see, one of his many jobs in the military was an electronics technician. They were constantly testing equipment to find what had failed and what needed to be made right. In so many ways, he applied that technique to our marriage and to our lives.

I remember one day I was doing laundry, and the start button on the washer fell inside the control panel. Andy happened to hear my few choice words and came to see what the problem was. He said the washer wasn’t beyond repair. He opened the control panel and found the right circuit and the remains of the now-defunct button. He resoldered the circuit so the current would flow where it needed to go. He created a workaround for the broken button. This memory makes me laugh. We had to use a long pencil with a soft eraser on the end to reach the on/off circuit. It worked; he repaired what was broken. Then he followed up, time and time again, to make sure his fixes held in place.

He called it assurance testing. He wanted to make sure the problem didn’t get worse. Checking that it didn’t need something more, that it was good. Most importantly that it was able to do what it was designed to do. We used that washer for years after that fix. As a matter of fact, when I sold our little farm, I was going to get rid of the washer. The couple that bought the house kept it. I had to write the instructions on the top of the washer. The pencil fix worked, and they continued to use it. That made my heart happy.

I apply this Assurance Testing to my life every day, not just in dating. But it may be the reason I’ll be single for the foreseeable future. This philosophy makes me a better person. It’s not about dating, it’s about life and how I do life. Yes, I want someone to share my life, the keyword is SHARE. It’s not about leading or being led. It’s about being best friends and doing life WITH someone. Someone who is invested in the relationship will check in. They will want to know that I am good, to make sure things aren’t coming undone. They will want to know if I need something to get through the day. They will want to encourage me and see that I’m living life to the best of my abilities. That’s what they will get from me, so it’s reciprocal. It’s a mutuality that makes relationships work; things can’t be all one-sided.

Another thing I learned while living with an electronics tech is about dirty power and bad data. Dirty power refers to high-frequency noise, interference, or other distortions that contaminate the standard AC power waveform, essentially “polluting” the power supply. This electrical pollution can lead to potential equipment malfunction, reduced efficiency, and, in some cases, has been known to affect health. Bad data is just what it sounds like: bad information. You’ve probably heard the phrase, garbage in, garbage out. That’s bad data.

My point here is that there are too many distractions, too much noise, and interference in modern romantic relationships, and it pollutes and corrupts rather than giving strength. Pay attention to where you get your information from…think about what the person is telling you. What do they have at stake? Are they just looking for more followers? Do they really have your best interests at heart? Is it hearsay or truth? Not everything you hear is real, especially on social media and with the rise of AI. Bad data in equals bad outcomes.

Make decisions for yourself. Make informed decisions. Listen to your gut. Focus on what you are putting into the relationship. If you are not getting that reciprocated, it’s time to examine that relationship and put that Assurance Test to work. Take an honest look at what the problem is. Talk about it. Can it be fixed? What do WE need to do differently? How can we keep this from happening again? What needs to happen to make it work as it was intended? It isn’t a me or a you thing; it has to be a we thing. 

Relationships can’t exist if only one person is working on it. That’s not a relationship, that’s a delusion, an idea of what you think a relationship should be. You can’t date someone for who you want them to be. They have to have the substance of what you need first. Know your worth, love yourself. Toxic people can do so much damage to your heart, the longer you give them access to you. No relationship is worth stealing your peace.

I’ve been told that I’m comparing relationships to a ghost, that I’m too picky, and I’m whatever. The fact is, if a man doesn’t check in with me, if he doesn’t care about what’s going on in my life enough to ask, how can he expect me to care about his life? If we aren’t checking in with each other, he won’t be there when bad things happen, and I won’t know if bad things are happening with him. And bad things will happen; that’s just a matter of time, they always do. I don’t want an after-the-fact type of relationship.

We all need people who are willing to stand in the gaps WITH us. In order to HAVE that, I believe you have to BE that.

So yeah, maybe I am too picky, but I have this crazy idea that relationships are meant to be more. Your person needs to be the best part of your daily life support system, and you need to be theirs; otherwise, what’s the point?

Keep on testing, friends; I’m going to give it a rest for a while. There has to be something better out there. 

The Real-Real

On By charminfothIn Dating, encouragement, Faith, LoveLeave a comment

I try to be real. I want others to be real with me. One thing I have found is most men on dating apps say they want honesty, but they really don’t.

I have been ghosted so many times for answering a question straight on. It seems the real-real truth scares the hell out of guys and they run. They don’t care to go deeper than the surface level with a conversation. Or, they don’t know how to process what I’ve said. Or, they get defensive and want to argue with me about my truth. That last one never ends well.

Very rarely, does anyone on a dating app appreciate me for my straightforward honesty. Maybe it is just my delightful blend of truth and sarcasm, or maybe I am just too blunt. Whatever it is, men do not take me at my word, and I find that a little sad.

I am very upfront. I am who I am, and I’m not changing that to accommodate someone else. Accept me or don’t, I’m ok with that.

I try very hard just to be straight with people. I have always been that person who if you ask me for an honest opinion, I will respectfully give you mine. You do not have to agree with me, it’s called an opinion for a reason. I am a grown-up and I can agree to disagree. Honestly, I think we need more of that in the world.

That said, I will never be in a relationship where I am not free to say what’s on my mind. Nor will l walk on eggshells to save someone’s ego. Walking on eggshells always causes someone to end up broken. I am not saying any of this with malice. On the contrary, I am saying this with all the respect I have.

By the same token, I don’t want to be in a relationship where someone can’t respectfully speak their mind with me. I don’t want anyone walking on eggshells around me, either. I’m not fragile nor does my ego need to be stroked.

Someone recently asked me what a woman really wants to hear. At this stage in my life, my answer is honesty. I want to know the truth, don’t sugar coat it, take out the guesswork, leave the mixed signals behind, and just be straight. Let’s have a conversation and take it from there.

I’ll tell you the truth, you do the same. It is so simple, so why does it seem impossible?

People worry about hurting feelings or saying the wrong thing. I would rather someone be respectfully honest with me than deceitfully lie to me.

If you have my trust, I am a no-secrets kind of girl. I believe the best relationships happen when both parties have equal footing. You get and you give in equal amounts. You uplift and strengthen each other. Life becomes better, richer, and more beautiful when you are allies traveling in the same direction and walking alongside each other. Your existence complements mine and vice versa.

I am coming to realize, just how blessed I have been in this life, and I am thankful. It seems this type of relationship is not as common as I thought. That breaks my heart.

I’ve survived terrible relationships and I’ve been blessed with wonderful relationships. Both types have taught me so much. I have friends I have had since childhood. Friends who I cherish, and who cherish me. I like to think the reason for that is they find me genuine, true, and loving.

I have always felt the best way to start any relationship is, to be honest. If at any time you don’t want to be around me, or I don’t want to be around you, let’s have an adult conversation and respectfully part friends. No need for drama or bashing. Let’s be adults. If, after the conversation, you can’t be an adult, wish me well, and walk away, then that’s a problem.

When things go south, pay attention. I learned the hard way. Communicate when things aren’t working for you. The sooner you communicate, the better off you are. Don’t let things fester like an old wound. Talk respectfully and honestly. Listen just as much as you talk. Make sure you are on equal footing. How do they respond to you? Do they listen and treat your thoughts and words with respect? Or, do they try to make you think you don’t know your own mind or aren’t aware of your own feelings? If that’s the case, it may be gaslighting and that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

There are catalyst moments in one’s life that change its trajectory. Counseling was one of those moments for me. Years ago, I went through counseling and the lessons I learned about myself forever changed me. I believe couples counseling works if both people put in the work. However, there are some things that can’t be saved. My marriage still fell apart, but not because I didn’t put in the work. It fell apart because the person I married was not the person I needed. There was no equal footing, no common ground, no respect, and somewhere along the way I realized, no real love. The counseling I underwent saved my life.

People, there is nothing wrong with standing up for what you need or what you believe in. If you don’t feel right about something, you need to listen to that little inner voice. At no point should you ever, EVER, feel forced to stay in a relationship you feel isn’t healthy for you. Don’t let someone guilt you into a relationship or gaslight you into thinking the problem is you when you feel it’s them.

The hope is always that things can be worked out with communication, and sometimes counseling is needed. However, sometimes that is just not possible, in those instances, it is best to cut ties. If cutting ties seems impossible or puts you in danger, tread carefully. If you are in a domestic abuse situation, please get somewhere safe and call the domestic abuse hotline, at 800-799-7233.

Know your worth. You are wonderfully made. My faith carried me through some very dark times, one verse that helped me was 1 Corinthians 3:16-17.

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.”

That verse gave me more peace when I was scared than anything, anyone ever said to me.

So my sweet people, go against the grain, be the real-real. Surround yourself with people who appreciate your honesty and let them be the real-real in return.

It is my prayer that you have someone you can be real-real with and can embrace a happy, bright life full of love.

Strange Duck

On By charminfothIn Dating, encouragement, LoveLeave a comment

I am going to tell on myself. I am a strange duck. I always have been. I am a living breathing oxymoron. At the very least, I am a challenge. At most, with me, life’s an adventure that’s never boring.

I am a strange contradiction in terms. I love to be with people, I love to be the life of the party, to be in the middle of what’s happening. However, I do not need to be the center of attention and I don’t have to be involved in what’s going on. I am perfectly fine as a spectator or doing things on my own.

I love to be out and about, but when I’m home, I’m home and I’m not getting out. I love to shop and buy nothing. I love to plan and be spontaneous. I love to think about the big picture and focus on the small details.

At times I crave noise at other times I crave silence. I love to people-watch and make up crazy stories based on someone’s body language. I love to listen to people’s stories. I am just as content to sit outside and watch the wind on the water or swing in a hammock in the woods with no one around but me and God.

I love to sit and talk with people and share a meal. I also like to read a book alone in the middle of chaos, noisy restaurants, music venues, sporting events, and such. I’m quite content being alone in a crowd. I can read or draw while singing along with whatever music as the hustle and bustle goes on all around me. I find it soothing. People find that strange. Is it strange?

I love music, but I am not musical. I know absolutely nothing about music, except what I like, and that is a very wide spectrum. I would be abundantly happy if I could have live music around me every day. Music brings me peace and lights up my soul. Music also brings out my creative nature like nothing else I know. If music is playing you might find me dancing, drawing, painting, writing poetry or this blog and occasionally cleaning, if I have to. Most definitely you will find me singing along, usually off-key, since I don’t know what the key is anyway.

I often look put together and like I know what I am doing, then I fall off my shoes or fart and then laugh until I snort because I fell off my shoes or farted. So nope, not put together at all. Most of the time, I’m like the duck, sitting smooth on top of the water while peddling his legs off beneath the surface.

I experience joy and sadness simultaneously and I think that is a gift from God.

Maybe, what started my adventure as a strange little duck is my mom used to call me Gracie as a child because that was the furthest thing from what I was. Usually, Gracie came out after I tripped over my own feet in public.

When I was 4, my mother put me in ballet classes. It was supposed to improve my balance. After a month they asked me to leave because I knocked all the other little ballerinas off the little balance beam (it was only 4 inches off the floor). They toppled time and time again, like little frilly dominos because I couldn’t stand on the beam without flailing my arms like a circus clown.

When I was 10, I tried out for the basketball team. During tryouts, I went for a layup and stepped on my Converse’s shoe string and broke my ankle in 3 places. I made the team and got a trophy for the most-improved player that year.

When I was 13, on picture day of my freshman year, I thought I would dress nice and wear heels. I strutted to the auditorium for my close-up. I thought I had it going on. UNTIL I had to walk down 5 long steps. I hit the last step, I fell off my heels and landed spread-eagle, in a dress, in front of all of the 3rd-period study hall, which had most of the cool kids in it.

Trust me, things didn’t change much as I got older. I could go on and on about the level of my clumsiness. I now play the game “Where did that bruise come from?” There are many, many stories here. My point is, in all of the stories, I am able to laugh at myself, not to poke fun at my own expense in a negative way, but to embrace the weirdness that is me.

I learned a lot through the years, but the ability to be happy in my own skin, be independent, and laugh at myself, I think are the best lessons in my life.

In the world of online dating where you put who you are in bullet points for some algorithm that will then put you in front of potential matches, I think I break the system. Obviously, the algorithm just doesn’t know what to do with me, given the strange brew of people it tried to send my way.

A friend of mine suggested I try a professional matchmaking service. Mmmm, nope. Not that concerned about it. I’m happy. I do find it interesting though, it’s like a study in cultural anthropology. It seems most people on these profiles want to be needed. I don’t need a big strong man to save me. I’m good. People are looking for someone to “complete them” or “be someone’s everything”. Those red flags give me the creeps. Co-dependent much? I don’t need to be fused to anyone’s hip, or, dress in matching jumpers like those twins from The Shining. Eww, just eww.

Wouldn’t you rather be wanted as opposed to being needed? I know I would. I don’t need a man in my life, if anyone is in my life it is because I want them there, and hopefully, they enjoy my company as well. I have my own space and you do not need to be in it every 5 minutes for me to know you exist and care.

I want someone I can be myself with, to share things with, to bounce ideas off of, to get advice from, to talk to., to be a friend, and in return, they get all of the same things from me. All of those things require a level of trust. When you trust someone, you don’t have to be in their face all the time. When you don’t have a level of trust any longer, you don’t have a working relationship. Communication is key. Talk to each other and say what you really mean. I think it’s that easy. I don’t think people get that level of straightforward.

A friend and I were talking about young couples and how rather than hurt their spouse’s feelings, they will oftentimes do something they don’t really want to do. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to share activities and have common ground with your spouse. As a couple matures they, hopefully, grow together and learn to embrace each other’s individuality and independence. I think differences and having independent activities make a relationship of any kind stronger and keep it interesting.

Someone told me they’d never met anyone like me. I told them, “I haven’t either! I’ve been looking, if you find one, let me know. I’d love to compare notes!” They laughed at me and walked away shaking their head. I may always be a strange duck and a contradiction in terms. It keeps people guessing. I know who I am, and what I want, I’m good. I hope you are, too.

To Thine Ownself Be True

On By charminfothIn Dating, encouragement, Faith, LoveLeave a comment

The title is a line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, act 1 scene 3. I do love a good Willy Shakes play and prose. I also love the wisdom in this quote. Throughout the tumultuous portions of my life, I ignored my own inner voice and wound up worse for it.

To thine ownself be true poster quote

As I strive to become an updated version of myself, I have fallen into familiar patterns from my past long ago. A time when my thoughts weren’t clear and my heart was troubled. Ignoring that small inner voice lead me down a path of self-destruction by overshadowing myself, and leaning into codependent relationships.

Speeding forward, without thinking of the outcomes, was a common theme of my youth. And now, I find myself making those same mistakes. I got carried away, I thought I was older and hopefully wiser, but here I am. I know I can’t do that anymore, even as much as I want to feel young and alive again. I also want to be responsible and secure. Those things seem to be at odds.

I have had to step back, step away, look inward, and ask myself some hard questions about who I am, what I want, and where I want to be in my life. I have to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with finding those answers before I press forward. Romantic love isn’t the goal for my life. That still, small voice inside me says there is more. Am I listening?

Take the time to listen to what that small, still voice is telling you. Quiet all the chatter, all the outside noise, just listen.

It’s uncomfortable, it’s hard to sit in silence and listen. I forget that prayer isn’t supposed to be a one-way street, with me lifting up a litany of needs or wants. God gave me two ears to listen twice as much as I talk for a reason.

What I am finding is the little things that bother me, are telling me something. My soul feels the uncomfortable places down deep and sends up red flags that require my attention.

The things that bother me aren’t the fault of the other person. They are who they are. I am not here to force change on anyone, just as I don’t want anyone to force change on me. Change happens, good or bad, it is inevitable. Who I was 10 years ago is not the person I am today, nor will the person I am in 10 years be the same as today.

What troubles my soul is what steals my joy and by contrast what brings me joy. I have to weigh those costs. I can’t hold close to that which robs my joy. I have fought a hard, lifelong battle to be joyful. I can’t settle for less. I can’t settle for less because someone else wants or needs me to. I can’t settle for less even though it might hurt someone else.

If I settle for less it is hurting me. If I give, and lose myself, what have I gained? I refuse to become a shell of who I am to fit into a mold I don’t want. I won’t do that. I won’t let my joy be stripped away slowly, for anyone. Lifting someone up while you are drowning, doesn’t give you life, in most cases, it drowns both of you.

You may ask, what strips the joy from me? What keeps me from being true to myself? While that list is an ongoing learning curve, I have found that I do it to myself. Most of the time I don’t realize it until much later. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.

It’s that thing I should have said and didn’t because I didn’t want to come off as nagging, bit**y, angry, upset, or whatever.

It is letting things slide, to avoid a tirade or an uncomfortable conversation.

It is not saying what I really mean because I am saving someone’s feelings.

It is knowing something doesn’t feel right and remaining quiet.

It is being something I detest, passive-aggressive.

When I do these things, suddenly I look in the mirror and I don’t like the person I am becoming.

I strive to be a person who is true, and honest, and whole. I need that for myself. I may never get there, but I’m trying. I have gone from being a “we” to just “me.” I think I was good at being a “we.” Now, I have to become good at being a “me.” Finding me. Liking me. Loving me. All those take work. It is not a straight path.

At first, I thought a romantic relationship was what I needed to be valuable. I am finding out I have been valuable all along and I don’t need a relationship to define me or what I want out of life.

It is not about deserving more or wanting more, it’s about being true to who I am and who I want to be. It feels selfish, maybe because I have never made a conscious decision to stand for what I need to feel whole. It’s about maintaining my independence and not defining myself through a relationship. I am finding that I need space.

I have spent much of the last few years feeling invisible. I’ve been longing to be seen, to feel attractive, to connect and feel alive again, to have deep conversations that connect me to a person and make me feel like someone understands. It is a powerful thing when someone listens and connects. I think everyone needs that on some level. I am learning that level doesn’t have to be romantic. I am blessed to have a great tribe of friends and people who love me and pour into my life on so many levels.

Romance is a great and wonderful thing, but it is not what I need right now. And, that’s ok.